Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
