If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
