R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
