I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
