Kareoke will never be a sober sport
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
