If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
