I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
