This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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