I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
