that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
