why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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