I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My bed smells like the plague
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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