I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
