I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
