She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Bring me that man meat
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
