I skipped work to stalk him.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
