tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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