I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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