so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
