Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
