So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
