I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's never too late to be topless.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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