Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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