I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
