since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
