Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he was CRYING into my vagina
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
