two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Vodka?
Forever.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
