the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
