There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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