I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
