What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
