You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
