Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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