Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
