Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
