I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
