He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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