i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
