Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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