why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
