So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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