hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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