that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
