At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
