This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
