She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
