I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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