so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
