i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
