its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
