My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
